"From dust I rise, and out of nothing now awake; these brighter regions which salute mine eyes a gift from God I take." Thomas Traherne
distance from not so nice people...
I'm happy, joyful, feeling full of life. I have a wonderful home life and I've lost all the drama in my life. However, there are family members who create their own drama and try to draw me in. I can range from outright anger to sending them love in order to help ease the onslaught but still it comes at me. Aside from cutting them out of my life...how can I be associated with them? It's so draining. I wonder how I'm "creating" it but I really don't know what to do. One person has mental illness, one is just mad at their own life. If we weren't related, we wouldnt be friends. I need strategies and real ways to handle this. Thanks.
It's okay to feel bad.
Your job is not to change them but to keep yourself feeling good, and to not feel good when you don't feel good, and to get what that's telling you.
Love,
Lola
love it
more clarity.
I came to the forum and read these comments again on Saturday because Friday night, I received a call from the sibling with whom I have an on again/off again relationship. She was here recently for a short visit that didn't go well and she proceeded to tell me everything I did wrong. It was awful. I'm not going into it all but I wrote myself a little note to say to myself "what would my higher self do in this situation" for everything that I need help with, especially this situation.
I'm not going to worry any more about what I might be doing. I'll see my part in time and I'll do what I'm feeling I need to do.
I'm sad because I don't have the relationships I want with my parent and sibling. I am however creating an amazing family with my husband and 3 sons. That's my focus. My intention is for ease in all my relationships.
Wow, Annon, that's an amazing post!
Wow, Annon, that's an amazing post! and you talk about many important things that Lola has been showing us. First, when we are centered in who we are, and the strongest vibration around, then we pull others up to us, rather than be affected by them. Lola is unwavering about keeping her vibration up high. Ha ha, try it and see how easy that is! If I just stepped up to that every day! We are learning, and get stronger every time we do it.
Next you mentioned feeling, and FEELING everything over again until it's lifted is one of the best ways to be happy. I was so unaccustomed to feeling my feelings before I started Divine Openings that I literally had to learn step by step, and use the Diving In audios over and again until I got it. I didn't even have the vocabulary for it until Lola gave it to me.
By going inside and talking to your Higher Self all day long, making her your best friend and guide, and asking continually "What would my Higher Self do in this situation?" produces unbelievable results. It's blown me away a few times, when the Presence just took over a whole situation I might have normally been concerned about, and took care of all the details. Divine Presence has an amazing sense of humor, and is quite the performer! It's like watching a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat sometimes. All we have to do is let go, and let the Divine do the heavy lifting. If you haven't tried it before, what are you waiting for?
Spoken only out of love,
Many blessings,
Grace
role model
Thank you Annon.
Thanks Nicole and Annon
Namaste Nicole and Annon
Hi Nicole, Family
Hi Nicole,
Family relationships are often the ones that soften and change later in the game, because the vibrational habits that we have in interacting with them are so long-standing that elements of them have often been in place before we could speak or think objectively. I can sympathize, because my mother's recent passingd marked the end of 2 1/2 years of being her live-in caregiver, and my mother had an ingrained vibrational habit of self-hate and hopelessness that often reared its miserable head. Also, I'm sharing a house now with my sister and brother-in-law until they've built theirs. They're wonderful people who operate on a very different wavelength and care about different things. I find it treacherously easy to react to them out of old habits of belief and feeling, but it's great practice in being aware and choosing my vibration.
It can help to allow for the possibility that, although you're mostly feeling happy and joyful, there are probably unconscious vibrational habits that keep these people in your life in an unpleasant way. One thing I've learned is that it's STILL not about them, even if they are so obviously "wrong" in the way they're living their lives. You can't change them. It's a waste of energy to try--makes it worse, usually. People do change around us with Divine Openings, sometimes rather magically, but they also just pass out of our everyday lives. And every time we make it about them we lose the freedom to create the life we want.
It has to be between you and your Large Self what you do in any given interaction with them, and you can ask your Large Self for help if you feel yourself getting stressed: you can get help right in the moment. Also between you and the Presence is how much responsibility you have to interact with them at all. There are long-standing, unspoken expectations and "rules" about what we owe each other in families which are actually detrimental to the well-being of everyone involved. Sometimes it's really healthier to everyone to rewrite the rules, even if it does rock the boat. Unless there's a very basic reason you can't withdraw from or limit a relationship without losing your integrity, I'd use your energy and vibrational level as a gauge for how healthy it is to spend time with someone. One thing I learned the hard way is that any time you acquiesce out of "sympathy" when someone wants you to join them in their low vibration, or corroborate their unhealthy beliefs, you're not helping them AT ALL. If you have to, it takes tact and carefully choosing your words, but it's possible to be with someone with compassion without buying into their reality. If you find yourself losing energy and getting drained, find a way politely and firmly to get out of there. You're hurting yourself and not helping them.
"Sending someone love in order to help ease the onslaught..." It isn't really love if you're "sending it" for a reason. If we're brutally honest with ourselves, a lot of times what we're really doing then is trying not to feel what we're feeling, and doing something that sounds righteous is a really enticing escape. It can help more to be really gentle with yourself and let yourself feel whatever you're feeling; to tell the Presence that they're driving you nuts right now but to please open your pipes, allow you to love them whatever their vibration, whatever they're doing. Then you find at times that love flows through you easily and naturally, and whatever they're up to doesn't matter.
In some way, all the people in our lives are part of ourselves. Yes, they're real and they have free will. But we've sent out a "casting call", to use a phrase from Jumping the Matrix, for people to play certain parts in our "movie," and they are in some way reading the script we've sent them. For instance: my sister works hard, 10 hours a day, six days a week, from home, at a job she doesn't love.
That's not a life I want for myself, but it's not my business. Sometimes I'll start feeling quite judged and ill at ease around her, for being "lazy" and ineffectual, but I've learned that that feeling doesn't come up unless I'm not happy with myself and what I'm doing. Then the old family "roles" come up and I buy into her being the self-sacrificing, righteous acheiver and myself as the black sheep/failure. If I am not clear and focused on what really matters to me, and acting upon it, I "borrow" her as a taskmaster or strict disapproving teacher --an internal character that's telling me I'm off base in my own life. When I'm paying attention, remembering my worth, and doing the practical things that will create the life I want, my sister takes a quite different, companionable role. Our living together, at best, has the effect of inspiring me to be strong within myself and take constructive action.
One doesn't have to figure these scripts and roles out--they will explain themselves to you if necessary. There's a lot in the book and courses on relationships of all kinds--things do change, gradually or quickly, as one keeps patiently and gently playing with the practices/exercises and leaving most of it up to Grace.
All the best,
Annon
Divine Openings Giver