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Getting my body on board for the journey: Prep for Ojai

I have been waiting to go to a 5-day retreat live for YEARS, so when the money finally came, I was ecstatic! I realized I was waiting for Lola to move to Ojai! You see, about 20+ years or so ago, when I started to awaken, I was married, in a 3-bedroom house with a nice garden, and nice car. Something was still missing. In those days I was so close to nature it was easy to get the plants to grow on our tiny patch of yard, I would talk to the bees while working, my sweet gentle helpers. I felt my best in my garden, at peace. I was getting used to being alone, my husband was gone a lot,at first I felt lonely. Even when I had people around or friends over I still felt lonely. One day I had a vision of a beautiful place where hawks circled at eye level, the scenery was great, I was up high. It was quiet, and all that day I was silent, just enjoying the place. At one point I was circling with the hawks! I realized that the loneliness was actually home-sickness. I had never really felt at HOME anywhere, but here watching hawks circle, I finally did. I later described it "It somehow felt like I got to go home for a day, I must find this place!" So I started to search, look around, look at destinations, nothing was quite "there". Well lots of changes later, I'm looking at the first pictures of Lola's new place, and for just a second I thought it was a video! It was a still photo, my mind had placed circling hawks in the picture for a reason! I knew then that soon I'd finally be able to go. Then I read that there were indeed hawks and that people say it feels like home! So then, when the money comes I try to register, plan to... way back in May! but it felt like it was too soon, I had so many things to plan! So then my heart sank when it looked like the next two would be out of the country! Then they announced this retreat and...yay! I paid it all at once! Then started to plan and...began to think about how I was physically going to manage it.I have seen improvements, and more remission, but anyone who understands Fibromyalgia knows you come not to trust those "Good Days" because of all the times you think you are "Better" but then it's BACK! Added to some other issues it makes it very hard for me to trust that my body will support me when I need it to. Stress makes it worse, so I really began to doubt I could handle the stress of a trip! I began looking for ways to get my body on board and you might say I panicked. Suddenly my midbrain was acting as if planning for the trip was a saber-tooth tiger! It would run off to e-mails or teleseminars or facebook to escape! I would try to reign it back and look at airfares and my mind would blank, then I'd run again. So then I tried to feel it through...but as I tried I'd run off in my mind somewhere else, wow, what a time! Then I thought maybe tipping my nose up...ended up buying a whole new wardrobe that time...not quite the answer. So then I heard about making friends with your body and asking it what it needed, which felt good since my mind seemed to be going AWOL. Took some doing but we are on friendly speaking terms now. At least, it doesn't seem to want too gallop off in the other direction. So finally I managed to book the hotel room, comfortable, my breakfast taken care of, on the first floor, OK. Then I try looking for flights, OMG there it is again! Saber-tooth tiger! Doing my best to relax and find a flight, I find one to Santa Barbera, one xfer but what's this? last leg on TURBO-PROP? TIIGERRRRR! LOL! OK THAT won't do. So now, I need first class and to LAX...and so off I go to look. But I AM going to be there! The good news is, my body finally seems to be coming on board with the project, because my heart is in it, even if my mind is doubtful. Funny how these mundane things can pose the biggest challenges.
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Looking forward to seeing you soon!

Some of you have heard how much just trying to get my flight booked was stirring up! Finally after weeks of blanking when all the little pop-up comparison windows blossomed on my screen I managed to book one...and as I was describing it to a potential ride-sharer realized it was unworkable! I was wondering how it happened, and realized I had been fretting and over-comparing to get the best price. I decided to take the flight that would be the easiest to deal with and most serene so I'd arrive as peaceful and unfrazzeled as possible, by that time it was pretty expensive but I went for it and now it looks like it will fit with the others perfectly! Better yet, I got all my money back from the cancelled one, no penalty I'm told! Ahhh finally over that hump! I decided after waiting 20+ years I was going to enjoy myself as much as I could. Just have to still get an ID update and a ride to CLE. The initiation will be practically formality as these days I talk with people a few minutes and already they report feeling better, their lives finally start to go their way, stuff clears up, it's wonderful!I now have to decide how exactly I'm going to get paid because things clear up so well they forget what they wanted help with! And most of them only need me once to get them started and they just bloom! I wasn't able to practice singing for a couple weeks and was thinking I'd need to catch up but no, my voice is more powerful every time! I have to decide where I want that to go as well. This really is so much easier than fretting and wrestling every part of my life! I appreciate your support here, and your hugs help so much! Another happy side effect is apparently, according to friends who haven't seen me in years say I seem to be aging in reverse. One odd side effect is that I have in recent years somehow grown 2 1/2 inches TALLER than I ever was!I just have to be different. As I approach 60 I think I will be better than I was in my 40s, I was pretty sick back then! I don't think my picture looks much like me now, I will have to post a newer one soon.

You are divinely supported!

Hi Deeity, I am sending you a Divine Mother hug to soothe and soften you, and fill you with calm and joy. I have some effective questions for you to send your mind after, and to let the universe know what you're expecting! How would it feel if your body suddenly responded to everything you wanted it to do? How would it feel if you could sail through going to the retreat with ease and fun? What if life got amazingly easy for you, and all your dreams started to come true? You may have better effective questions than these, and so I say dream them up and go for it! Let that Divine Mother hug sink in, relax and soften, and let that soothing take over. Know that your intention is what matters, and you can let go, and let the Divine do the heavy lifting. You are divinely supported. Love and blessings, Grace

You are divinely supported!

Hi Deeity, I am sending you a Divine Mother hug to soothe and soften you, and fill you with calm and joy. I have some effective questions for you to send your mind after, and to let the universe know what you're expecting! How would it feel if your body suddenly responded to everything you wanted it to do? How would it feel if you could sail through going to the retreat with ease and fun? What if life got amazingly easy for you, and all your dreams started to come true? You may have better effective questions than these, and so I say dream them up and go for it! Let that Divine Mother hug sink in, relax and soften, and let that soothing take over. Know that your intention is what matters, and you can let go, and let the Divine do the heavy lifting. You are divinely supported. Love and blessings, Grace

Your journey

Hey Dee -- your journey is inspiring ... you have the awareness and the "tools" to face the fears and worries , as the Divine continues to pave the way for you, parting the waters and making your path clear to Ojai and leaving the tigers behind. Imagine how your body will relax, and the healing you'll find at every level!

Still undecided about my flight!

Thanks so much for the input! It's just been a long while. Oh geeze, now I really have to ask the Presence to take care of this! I got conflicting advice coming in from all angles, lol! The problem is with fibro, sitting on the floor means risking not being able to get back up, the muscles can lock you in place. I haven't yet been able to prostrate on the floor, have to use the bed...that's what I'm saying...and I'm still a large lady despite two green smoothies instead of meals and no snacks for the last 2 months, not sure if I can fly coach or need first class! Trusting that I will be able to walk well (ankles can swell if I sit long or walk too much, I mean grapefruit-sized). Trusting I can find water I can drink (mostly get sick from tap), trusting I will be OK because I'm supposed to be there. Trusting myself to remember what to do, not get the brain fog. Trusting I will be fine without muscle relaxer or pain meds. Just realized my ID is out of date so need to get a new one, lol! This is a whole lot of trusting for someone who has struggled for years to do normal mundane things others do all the time. This is probably the most trusting I've done in years! Now much of this has gotten WAY BETTER than when I started, so this is changing, but I now must trust it will be enough by the time I leave...days from now. Part of me still thinks it's seeing the tiger...I'm comforting it as much as I can.

Prep for Ojai

Honey, you will do just fine. I attended the Five Day in May. Awesome!!!!! Hope some of this will help. I flew from Houston, IAH to LAX, then took the 'prop' to Santa Barbara. So glad I did it that way. The flight from LAX to SBA is about 30 to 35 minutes. I mean really short. The Santa Barbara airport is small, like really quaint, and the best part is that when you leave you clear TSA Security at Santa Barbara, so easy, no stress. Plus, now you would need to check this part: My flight from IAH was like two gates away from the flight to SBA. Did not have to go out into the huge airport tryng to find my connection. I spent over twenty years working in a large airport and now I look for what is easist and quickest for me. Hope this helps. Have a wonderful time at 'home'.